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(no subject)

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.  It's just possible that there is only one possible way out.  I don't know if I could ever really be that selfish.  Nothing is out of the question.
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(no subject)

This really sucks big time. such little joy to be found lately. Miserable.

If death is going to have his way with me I wish he'd stop fucking around and get on with it.
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(no subject)

Things may never be  as good as they were.  So many things haxe ecome a struggle.  Things that I always took for granted.  As for all that, it's an  unkind waiting game.  Life needs a splash of salt, and there is none on the table.
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...

When you're honestly not afraid of what you believe to be the worst case scenario, and then learn that there is a scenario that is actually worse than what you thought was the worst, what do you do?
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What is it?

I don't know what it is that keeps me standing still.  I don't know if I'm frozen in fear or just too lazy to move.  Maybe I don't want to break the routine.  Maybe I am so tired of the routine I don't notice it anymore.  Time marches on, like a boring parade  on a rainy day, causing traffic jams and making everyone involved miserable.  Instead of watching, ducking into a coffee shop  and enjoying a cup of hot chocolate while listening to the jazz trio playing in the corner sounds better.   But there is no music.  There is no coffee shop.  There isn't even a parade.  There's  just rain.
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Nil desperandum

Having gone through old cases I realize now things aren't as gloomy as they seemed.  Little by little they are being sorted out and put in their place.  It would be nice to have things done but there is no real urgency. 

I think I want to get a fire pit and burn a bunch of my old sketch books.